Perhaps I’ve been watching a little too much Project Runway (yes, I still watch even after the move to Lifetime) but, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about clothing as a metaphor for my gender identity. You might have noticed that I am struggling with pronoun preference. In my last post, I declared that ‘she is my compromise with myself.’ But, then I was watching Project Runway or What Not to Wear and it dawned on me–Tim Gunn or Stacey or whoever is right, I don’t have to just accept a shoddily made pronoun ‘off the rack’ — tailoring is always an option.
This might not seem like such a huge revelation, I mean, I know masculinity and femininity are constantly constructed, sometimes their seams show and there are pins at the hem line….
But what really dawned on me was an image of myself in any clothing store ever. A long time ago I determined that all the clothes in the women’s section were too ill fitting, uncomfortable psychically, and no amount of tailoring would make women’s clothing feel right to me. And here’s my revelation–I don’t have to compromise with ‘she.’ It doesn’t fit. I’ve been trying to wear it, tailor it, stretch it, and reshape it to fit me, but no matter how I try, female pronouns are just not working. I look in the mirror with them on and know in my heart it just doesn’t fit me.
However, due to my shape, my size, my life history, my politics, my experiences, and my values, I also can’t just wear masculinity ‘off the rack.’ But I can’t deny that in my wardrobe, as in life, the men’s section is where I’ve felt at home for some time now. ‘He’ isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t have to be–I know a good tailor. But I also know that no matter how the garment ends up, if the foundation is from the men’s side of the store, I can ‘make it work.’
So now, I think I’ll try on male pronouns as an accessory and see how it changes the overall look.
**For my friends who have long been following me into the men’s section as I explore the construction of my identity, thanks for going there with me, and giving me the confidence to wear my look into the world.
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ccccchanges! excellent use of a david bowie quote. so proud of you!!
You so totally rock, squirt.
AMEN Brother! Well said
I know exactly how you feel. Try on all the expressions you like til you get the right fit because “Those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind” Thank you Dr Suess, a very fitting quote indeed.
i feel honored to be a part of this tailoring process with you. always.
I love you and I’m soooo proud to have you as a friend and colleague! Thank you for this beautiful piece.