This weekend I had the honor of officiating the wedding of two of my best friends. I am posting a video from the meditation I gave during the service because, well, these things are better heard than read, but for those of you who like to read rather than hear, I’ll post the text later. I am posting this because I’ve been thinking a lot about the meaning and value of community lately in the wake of Judge Vaughn Walker’s ruling in California and the subsequent stay placed upon that ruling.
Particularly, the power our communities have in subverting the status quo by our collective belief that can usher in a truth as not yet realized in the current culture. This weekend I was a minister, as fully as if ordained, and we, the community, married our best friends, an enduring truth that the law cannot shake. It was not a religious service, but there was a higher power in that moment. Instead of invoking the power granted by my religious office or state mandate, I invited the community gathered to say these words together after the exchange of rings, “Jenny and Jay, we the community join together, with the power vested not by law or creed, but by our blessing, to pronounce you partners for life.”
It is amazing what we can do when we band together.
FULL TEXT:
I hope you are all aware, that by showing up today, you have all committed yourselves to be the ones Jenny and Jay call if ever they should be whisked away by TSA for violating the 8oz liquid carry-on rule and land themselves in prison. You think I’m joking, but this is the standard which Jay and Jenny kept when they were deciding who all to include in this moment. Their standards were: 1. that they would be able to write each person here a note explaining why you are here and what you mean to them and, 2. That if ever they should find themselves in a dust up, you would be one of the people they would want to answer when granted their one phone call. Because, in inviting you to witness this moment, Jenny and Jay are also promising YOU that should you ever need them, they will be your lifeline.
This is what community means to Jay and Jenny, and their relationship is a testament to the value their community plays in their lives. And as all of us who have ever been to their house for dinner know, they will go out of their way to spoil and take care of us.
But why are we talking about community? This is a wedding, not a neighborhood association meeting! But in some ways it is. We are the community Jenny and Jay have drawn together, not through geographic proximity, but by their love. And the strength of the community is a testament to the strength of their love. In loving each other so dearly, they are able to love each of us so well. Some of us may never have expected to be in the same room together, some of us have been close friends for years, but we are here because we believe and affirm the truth of Jay and Jenny’s love, see the strength of their commitment, and wish to bless the next step of their journey together.
Marriage above anything else is a community endeavor. We will be the ones to answer the phone or fly across the country to be the ones to witness this commitment in times of sickness and health, for richer or poorer, in love and in anger, in life and in loss.
Jenny and Jay recognize the value of community which is their family both kin and chosen because for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, community is all we have. Two weeks ago Judge Vaughn Walker in California, ruled that the recently voted Proposition 8 amendment which nullified same-sex marriages performed since it was re-legalized in May 2008 was unconstitutional. In one ruling couples were given the right to marry, and within the same election year that right was taken away, then with another ruling that right was given one shining week of hope, and then a stay was allowed continuing to forbid any institution from legally marrying same-sex couples.
Fortunately, the state of Massachusetts has resolved this issue and granted legal rights to love in all its forms, but drive out of the state and that right is taken away again. Imagine if your marriage suddenly disappeared depending on which state you were driving through. In the event of a car crash, your legal right to attend to the bedside of your partner would disappear as you crossed state lines.
But those of us who have loved or wed know that marriage is far more than a piece of paper, and even if someone — perhaps the state — were to take that piece of paper away, the ones who would still consider you to be married are your family and friends, those who have witnessed your commitment and journeyed with you in good times and in bad.
We gather here in Rhode Island, a state that does not recognize this marriage as legal, because we affirm that love and commitment far surpass the bounds of law or religion. We are here to form a community of witnesses who believe fully, no matter what the law shall say–that these two, after today, are hereby married. Our firm belief in this truth cannot be banned by any institution, it cannot be legislated away, and it will not be undermined by any group or ideology. As a community, we celebrate the love these two have for each other, knowing that one day love will triumph over hate, and that no matter what the legal stance of the times, we have the collective power to declare Jenny and Jay partners for life.
Today we have gathered three special people in Jenny and Jay’s lives to tell stories of each of their journeys and their journey together. We chose friends and family, rather than readings, to speak to the people Jay and Jenny are, and the love that they have for each other. Let this be the testament to their lives, and all the proof we need to declare them married today, and hold them in marriage by our community, from this day forth.
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